


My Head in Your Hands, Your Heart in Mine

by kidcarma



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Complicated Relationships, Dialogue Heavy, Hinata Hajime and Kamukura Izuru are Separate People, Hinata is insecure and Kamukura is emotionally stunted, M/M, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24538465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kidcarma/pseuds/kidcarma
Summary: hinata and kamukura just sort of fit. they reflect on what that means, together.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Kamukura Izuru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 94





	My Head in Your Hands, Your Heart in Mine

**Author's Note:**

> dont think about this one too much. its just a vent/character study cause i wanted to write them balancing each other out as a reminder that both sides of their dynamic with each other are equally as important? hinata and kamukura can love each other and therefore themselves as a treat idk.

hinata’s not sure how it happened. how jarring it is to go from thinking the glass that’s been full has actually been half empty his entire life, and he just hasn't known it until now. 

kamukura completes him, and he knows kamukura would chide him for wording it like that. like he’s less than a person. only half of a whole. but that’s how he feels, when he looks at kamukura, so he latched on from the instant their eyes first met in the hopes that he’d never again have to feel the ache of missing the split off part of his soul. 

hinata thinks all the time, about how he wants to be like kamukura. and hinata thinks sometimes, kamukura doesn’t want anything at all. he’s always so passive when he speaks, which isn’t often, yet he somehow manages to assert himself above everyone else in the room. it’s always been that way. kamukura would stay silent while hinata spat out tactless nonsense and wished the earth around him would crumble and swallow him up, in the grave he digs for himself each time he opens his mouth. 

hinata loves kamukura. who  _ doesn’t  _ love kamukura? it’s just that hinata doesn’t think kamukura loves him back. he’s not even sure kamukura is capable of love. but for whatever reason, he’s here. he’s always here. he’s always by hinata’s side. even if having a soulmate is a frivolous, silly thought, kamukura never scolds him for it. not out loud, at least. he’ll simply nod- in agreement? in acknowledgement? hinata is always too afraid to ask- those red eyes reaching deep into his own. 

  
“you’re thinking deeply.”

  
“i’m always thinking.”

  
“what is on your mind?”

  
“nothing,” hinata mutters reflexively, eyes flickering down to the ground but it’s a lie and they both know it because he had just admitted to thinking about  _ something _ at the very least. “it’s stupid. i’m stupid.”

  
“you’re not stupid.”

  
“but i  _ am! _ ” hinata sours. “everyone reminds me all the time. they mock me because i’m stupid and i have to ask stupid questions because my mind works itself up so much that sometimes i second guess even the most simple things. how to spell my name. how many sides a shape has. i question everything i think i know because somehow i’m  _ always _ wrong and you’re  _ always  _ right.”

  
“always being certain of the answer is boring,” kamukura breathes and it’s almost a sigh. “there is no drive to push forward in life when i already know what i will find. being wrong about things isn’t detrimental. it’s human. you were made to grow. to learn.”

  
hinata can’t find it in himself to say anything. 

  
“i think, sometimes, that i want to be like you,” kamukura tells him softly picking up the slack and hinata’s eyes blow wide and glassy. “because when i look at people, i feel nothing, and ask my myself what kind of person i am. if i’m even human. but you’re the opposite of that. and i wonder how on earth you haven’t left my side by now.”

  
“i’d wouldnt leave you,” hinata admits but they both know that, his trembling hand reaching up to lay atop the one kamukura has placed on his cheek.

  
“and yet you’re using me to hurt yourself.” 

  
hinata’s stomach drops. 

“god- you’re right and you  _ know it _ you don’t need to point it out like that, fine- i’m sick in the head. i’m sick and i need you, i- im  _ nothing. _ ”

  
“i need you too,” and kamukura’s tone is so soothing it melts hinata right there in his spot. “and you’re not nothing. you just require assistance in seeing that. and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.” 

  
“but i-“

  
“hajime.”

  
hinata shudders reflexively, blinking back the sudden threat of tears because kamukura is nothing if not polite, and formal, and he never calls anyone by their first name. except for hinata. it does funny things to his heart.

  
“my soul aches for yours. just as yours does for mine. i promise there is nothing to fear in letting go.” 

  
“how can you say that?” hinata wants to  _ snap _ but he always feels guilty when he snaps at kamukura because that means he let his temper get the better of him- something he’s eternally trying to stomp out, hot coals under the sole of his sneaker, water doused on a flame to snuff it out. “nothing to fear? there’s- there’s everything. can you even feel fear? can you even feel anything?”

  
“i can.” 

  
“you act like you’re above it all.”

  
“i’m not.” 

  
“but that’s how it feels!”

  
“hajime.” kamukura shifts. goes silent again. the hand against hinata’s cheek wavers as it pulls away, a gentle caress with the thumb as a parting gift and to almost anyone else it would go unnoticed. not to hinata. so he sits. he sits patiently, staring over at his counterpart, waiting for the words that will come next. kamukura likes to leave him hanging sometimes, words that build a cliff but fail to push him off. not this time. now is too serious. “you feel that there is a power imbalance in our relationship due to my intellect, and this frustrates you.”

  
“yes.” hinata knows how to play along. 

  
“but from the start, it hasn’t been that way. we are on equal footing. you are just as capable of knowing me, as i am, of knowing you. you’re the only one who can see through the cracks. you know this.” 

  
he hesitates. technically “yes?”

  
“you sound uncertain.”

  
“because i am,” hinata frowns. 

  
tenderly, much more so of an action than he looks like he is used to- because kamukura’s gaze hasn’t gone dull once in his life, so how should he know what gentle looks like?- kamukura takes hinata by the wrists, and guides his hands up, up, and rests them softly on his own face. hinata takes to it instantly, even though affection comes awkward sometimes, he cups kamukura’s cheeks, the sharp lines of his jaw and cheekbones under the pads of his fingers. 

  
“what’s the point of this?” he asks as he maps the features with his eyes and of course, kamukura wont give him this one. so he huffs a sigh, but stays where he is. 

  
it’s… strange. kamukura is an enigma, but like this, he feels solid, real, the weight of his skull tangible as he gives hinata some of it to support. he’s here. and he’s human. as much as he talks like he isn’t one. as much as hinata has to convince himself on his worst days that kamukura isn’t just a figment of his imagination. because how could someone so perfect exist? 

kamukura watches him from behind the dark veil of his hair, but even if it’s piercing, it doesn’t hurt. it’s familiar, almost comforting, as hinata studies his face, body gravitating closer on its own accord. 

he traces kamukura’s cheekbone, the bridge of his nose, and makes it to the soft, thin skin under his eyes, when he falters. 

  
“you haven’t slept,” hinata realizes aloud. 

  
“what makes you say that?” kamukura asks and hinata knows he isn’t wrong in his guess. 

  
“i can see it,” he explains. it’s vague at best, deflective at most. “feel it.”

  
“it’s been about thirty four hours.”

  
“ _ izuru _ .” 

  
“i shouldn’t appear tired. i’ve gone longer without.”

  
“but you  _ need sleep _ ,” and now hinata sounds scolding. “you treat yourself like you’re not human but you  _ are _ . seriously.”

  
“see?” kamukura says and for a split second, hinata had forgotten there was a point being made with all this. “you know me. your insight into my person is clouded sometimes by your insecurity, but it’s there. it’s always been there.” 

  
“always been-“

  
“you’re allowed to resent me, you know.”

  
the pain this evokes doesn’t even have a proper comparison, he thinks. 

  
“it’s not your fault i’m like this,” hinata tells him, expression twisted into something regretful. something guilty. “it wouldn’t be fair for me to resent you. i couldn’t, i-“

  
“you can. you do, sometimes. you know by now you cannot hide these things from me.” 

  
“izuru-“

  
“- which means, therefore, i know you love me, too. emotions can coexist, hajime.” 

the weight of kamukura’s head still heavy in his hands, hinata flinches, but doesn’t let go, doesn’t recoil. no. it would have been foolish, even for him, to think he could conceal something like that from kamukura. to conceal anything, really. 

he lets the thoughts and feelings settle within him, so that he can sort them out. it’s always been a bit of a flurry inside his mind but kamukura’s presence is calming. 

  
“you love me,” the words come easily this time, hinata realizes. he had hardly stopped to think in the time between the idea forming in his mind and making its way out of his mouth. he knows he’s right though. 

  
“you sound certain.”

  
“i am.”

  
“that’s good,” kamukura hums as he relents, tipping his head back slightly to signify that it’s okay for hinata to let go. “you should be.” 

  
“is that… it? is it really that simple?”

  
“what we are is far from simple.”

  
“then… what are we?”

  
“this exceeds even my vocabulary.”

  
“right-“ hinata nods. kamukura fights back a yawn. “right. let’s go to bed.” 


End file.
